ooooooooooog. b. er. booooooooger. November 1, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: bastard, drunk, insensensitive, stupid
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i know ive said this before, and to me…. this is the pits. when you have friends that surprisingly enough… why cant i conetrate on the writing of this blog? oh yeah, im somewhat overly drunk, so much so that over at davids house, i fucking passedo ut on the floor, for a good ten or fifteen minutes, visiosly ate around two peicese of chicken to fill my apptite, threw up twice, and then tried to beat some one at halo 3…. to say the least, im not that sucsessfull when it comes to gaming or flirting. in fact, not to bag on myself… but my arms hurting a hell of a lot more since i began typing up this thing. what the hells the matter with me?
to be perfectly honest with you all, mr. plan out my revenge scheme over a period of years, pretty much scared the bejesus out of me while simultaneosly trying to get my self confedence going. way to go and bright idea mr. dude. may you go far in the mattters of self perpetuating the idealistic self.
to begin my random freak out session, which i do feel was messecary, or maybe it wasnt. my drunk mind is still trying to fit the peices together. he began about telling me a true story, which i will not relate, because i will not tell a lie, and because my mind is obviosly too wasted to try and lie at the moment. needless to say, i take too long to get to the point. i passed out on the floor… which is an interesting story in itself. being one of loud mouthed virue when ever im a bit over annoyed with myself, i predomintly flicked mike in the back of the head. who mike is, and what his relation to me is, i will never tell… mainly to save the face of that particular friend. after he made a crack about megans law andp utting me in it. which too my disliking, proceeded to do the afore mentioned flicking of the back of the head.
when we got to the house, i was over eager to get the drinking punishment out of the way. and much to my surprise… or unsurprise i decided to drink up and eat a peice of bread till i threw up. that was a punishment decided by mr. revenge me not. or regret ever typing this.. who ever that was. i was well innebriated within a good hour to two hours and proceeded to throw up again… and again… and spome what of a third time. for somereason, barfing up liqour is a pretty good sign of my being pretty damned drunk. lets see what else i can remember. oh yeah… the arguments…
then came the process of me shouting out practicly, every single thought that came to mind, from midgets tap dancing in glow in the dark sandels to something even more slightly disturbing.
then fact that i mistakenly said penis coloda… yes… read it again if you want. it wont change that fact.
penis colada. laugh it up while you can. it only gets worse… or funnier depending on which side of the experience you were on. mind you, this was around twi hours into the venture. there were questions about my sexuality, which btw, im straight, i have seen a womans…parts, and i am still a virgin. i have not had sex… and thats all im willing to point out. there were questions about a dream i had a while back, and questions about norwalk, and also questionability about my skills as a gamer. needless to say after the fourth kill of my oppenent, i proceeded to commit suicide and run towards my oppenet drunkenly while he happily decided to frag my ass. over and over and over and over… repeat that sixteen more times and there youll have my only gaming experience. laughable…aint it?
now youll have to understand that these events are out of order for a reason. that i cant really remember the order they happened in, and that my drunken stupor will add questionability to whether or not these events actualy happened. to your surprise and mine… yes… yes they did.
and each time after the throwing up outside on the front yard, which took around thirty seconds each, i proceeded to knock the crap out of both the punching bag and the punching bob. which btw, looks almost like a pissed off, over roided mr. rogers. “do ya want ta be my neighbor?” no. at this point in time, no i do not want to be your neighbor. “sir touch kids a lot.”
on that point, i was on the excorcise machine for the next ten minuts while i proceeded to argue pointlessly about what and why certain things happened. this is the fun part as sean will tell you.
then i passed out.
no really, i did, first i thought i was tired, then i leaned a little to the right, more to the right, then up to the middle again, then to the left, little more to the left, then off the machine i went, rock hard, passedo ut onto the floor. mind you, the lights were out, and someone was home. though they forgot to lock the door and someone robber the place of all sensability. but they did turn on the lights afterwards. there name?
mr. b vitamen. yep. i have had two or six different drinks. they are. conyack, vodka, conyack and vodka, conyack, vodka and cranberry concentrate. water, bread. (why that counts as a concentrate ill never know.) bread and water, cranbery concentrate and vodka with no tastable vodka in it. craberry concentrate and heavy vodka and concentrate with very tastable visual result, in my throwing up a third time. and quite possibly more embarrasingly enough …they got me on the phone.
you can tell at this point in the blog i have VERY, VERY good friends right? good thing they didnt have me call up sarah… or else shit wouldve hit the fan. instead…. they called brain up to help wake me my ass up. then… you laugh now.. as well as i… but it gets better. ha! lol.
they had me talk to brian…yep. loads of fun there. lol… not so much. sad faces all around.
hold on… need to check on something (five to ten minutes later)alll righty then, my relaible readers… cause thats what your are. shall we continue? yes… we shall.
where was i? oh yeah, then timing and perceptions of the overly drunk. me. lol. well, what can i say? damned if i do, damned if i dont right.? fivem inutes later and being teabagged with a bag of tomatoes… hopefully. and attempting to sock said bag of tomoatoes… hopefully. they proceeded to hold each of my arms and carry me out of the house… which was never succefull. they got tired and ifelt to the cold sting of time and tile on my face. i was zombie like, moaning and groaing till my hearts content of the wonder twins porwer activating. form of… a bucket of water… form of… a polar bear? who knows now a days.
other then the slightly disturbing fact that both me and his brother are walking the same path. overly angery and slightly disturbing the wolrd in our own unique ways. id say me and the bro are consiquently like luke a darth vader. father and son… only not… father and son. nor will we rule the universe together. like i said, im a pit wasted… or in the worlds of the almightly sean… fucked up. or emt.. or esl. or subcaptioned. so now you can.. if your deaf or hard of hear, read everythingthing im saying in the form of japanese subtitles.
what else happened? nothing that i CAN remember. anything thath appened tonight, i wrote down. anything that might be remembered tonight… ill write down later. till then my little bros and hoes. the farmer type. “work for my money billy- joe- tyson!” “yes mr. cornhedge!”
i bid you… a do wop. a do wop…. boop ity boop do wop. fiftyies style bitches! lol. peace and out!
like touching yourself with a tazer set on “burn baby burn!” October 31, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: "burn baby burn!", a, like, on, set, tazer, touching, with, yourself
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alright ye little wee corn children of the price is right! ye who would
unsettle the british colonies with yer paris hiltons and nicole richies
blowup dolls, yer lubricant of stars and yer ghost busters labels
flyzappers! ye, are the scurge of the world, you ungratefule, self
centered wee little scottish terrors…terrirers… bill clinton!
now…
i dont have beer, but i dont have cham pog ney. or more simply wine!
which now that i think about it has more of an effect the al gores
version of the price is right…which would somehow include a parady of
bush administration, dick cheneys invitation to a peewee touch football
game hosted by micheal jackson and the plastic surgery five. oh yes…
were running out the gates of this little bitch ON FIRE!!!! YEEE HAWWW!
and i just want to lube the gears of this little terror on the net by
saying the following to the closed minded masses that is the dominican
republic. feck off! yer not doing a bit of damned good ye wined stained
hick billys!
i say hick billes because there are three types
of people in the world (andn o offense to friends of mine that are from
the dominion of dominican repluc. love ya, squeeze ya in the right
place, and have fun with ya allllll night long!
in the mean
time, ive got a headache the size of lord crabby pants mc cormick… i
cant stop thinking about south park at the moment, because its just the
right hting to say after some of the fucking shit ive posted on this
blog of minds… that would make obama turn whiter then micheal
jacksons sister ofter her top was “accidentaly ripped off.” wow. and to
think… she just flashed over 12,000 horny old codgers in there
hawaiin shorts, socks and sandals, and sunglases wondering where the
fuck is the peta group. cause that poodle got pwned… hehe….now were
getting somewhere.
gates of the underworld rejoice! and then
promptly run in terror as you relaize your going to the catholic
religion to get felt up by father brian andthen tossed into the touch
football game hosted by micheal jackson and the plastic surgery five.
and then, just for the fuck of it. youll be adopted by angelina jolie
and be parented by the only woman to make out with ehr brother, sever
ties with her father because hes wondering when hes gonna get some. and
after five years youll get a call from adam baldwin stating that hes
flying over to ireland to straighten your ass out, because according to
him, yourn othing but a distinguishly disgusting little pig with no
manners at all. and even after that, youll still earn your pay by
working for the devil himself. thats right, im tlaking about jay z and
fifty cent combined. donald trump. HA! didnt see that one coming did
you????
ok, enough about the small talk, like i said before,
ive done some and writen some dumb shit in my life. and the worst is
yet to come? why? i dont know… i dont know… i dont know where im
going to go in cocomo. i love that song as well as, “and i ran… i ran
so far away… and i ran… i ran to get away… so i run away..” not
to mention, “if you like penis colada’s… and like getting fucked in
the rain…. then youll love.. getting fucking by ghost rider again!”
speaking
of really really awful movies… has anyone seen peter jacksons king
kong? or was it the one about the midget who has to destroy a rin in a
week or his ex wife will send hordes of orcs to destroy him? sounds
like a parady of spidermans honey moon.
how do you feel? to
treat me like you do? do you knowtice the world around you? how do you
feel? i love this song im listening to right now?
how about
them little monsters up in the american slasher buero? hah! you thought
i was oging to rip on the asb? didnt you?! well your wrong! again! hah!
i fool you again! like anna nicole smiths autopsy report, i will reveal
the true name of my babys daddy… just as soon as jesus comes back
from the kingdom of heaven to take away your money proclaiming that it
will help the lord…and the preachers vampire choir boy problem. cause
they suck…your blood. like al gores inconveinnet truth. and the olson
tiwns eating problems.
or tony danzas drunken slobber fest
with a bad replica of tony danza. he loves himself too much. you ever
wonder why he smiles all the time? its like hes not even human. hes
just a sex god. he like “im impotent! no more!” and he gets harders to
make soft then an al quida crack head with sever leprisy.
amongst
other thoughts in my head that make absolutely no sense to the human
mind whatso ever. isnt there areal reason that donald trump lost his
wig…oh…that his actual hair? i did not know that? i just thought he
superglued a run over possum to his head and called it hair.
in
other news… these fires are making baking a batch of cookies harder
to do then thinking about martha stewart and paris hilton as cell
mates. ones decorating the place while the other just wants to get out
and land her ass back in again. there isnt much to do these days
besides, sit back, smoke a ciggerette and wonder what happened to our
hero the marbollo man? he died of lung cancer… and that made everyone
sad.
speaking of thel ovely little disease called cancer. i
cant think of a worse death then having your body make more cells then
it actualy needs. and thats another hting ive been wondering about.
vaginas. no seriosly, for one of the longest moments in my life…
namely ten minutes, ive actualy wondered about how big they actualy
were. i mean, weve all studied the diagrames right? or namely bad porn
where it just doesnt show anything besides the breasts… fun as they
are to look at. but seriosly, besisdes the effects and what not of the
females period and what not. and thats got to be more uncomfortable
then leaving evidense that something did happen in roswell new mexico.
actualy they did see aliens… but it turned out to be micheal jackson
standing infront of a white light with timmy bending down to pick up a
penny in front of him.
where the hell was i? oh yeah, periods.
the dreaded time of the month where milk sales at the local grocery
store are actualy higher then the kmk between events. its actualy
always facinated me. i mean, do women just gradualy get used to the
pain when the egg is pssing into the uterian wall? as well as the
hormones? which kinda made me wonder if all the female patients in
insane asylums who had shcizophrenia were just on there ugly week when
they went to the dark side of the mind.
and child birth. oh
yes, i knew i would eventualy get to this subject faster then judgito
decision that oj didnt do it with the candle stick in the kitchen with
the professor. at this point im feeling the effects of the wine… and
bhampagne, and the fruit blend. all at the same time. i wonder how many
pages ive written…. anyways. childbirth, that miraculous moment in
time where the mother blames everything on the father… including the
following:
1. lightbulbs
2. monogamy
3. evolution
4. the kids next door movies
5. micheal jacksons abilities to touch children around the globe… in all the wrong places….
6. the light bulbs again
7. the fact that apples do fall on the floor.
8. there own periods.
9. adam baldwin still being in acting.
10. what god meant by the terms “legal prostitution….prosicrution.”
i
actualy do wonder how many pages ive written. well… ive got to get
dressed and out the door. cause ive written this whole thing in nothing
but a robe and my underwear. and i didnt even think wine had that much
of an effect on lil ol me. tee hee!
peace bitches!
and remember. if you dont like what ive written… then … then… your sober.
suck it bitches! October 30, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: bitches, it, suck
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ello folks! time for another drunk blog!!!! and proceeding this, im going to college. cause its bettah then stayin home! yeah!!!! already i can feel the champagne flowing through my already hyperactive system making typing this up that much more fun! yesh…. now… because im going to write what ever the fuck i want. im going to write something mean, nasty, totaly untrue and just plain horrible about heena…. lol.
due to the level of html knowlege i have (i am a master!!!!) im going to change the color of the next paragraph to black!!!!!! yeeee ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! he he he eeee!! and you know its going to be a rip fest… alll you have to do is just hight the whole blog and youll see how mean and nasty i can be!!! ready? (evil smiles all around!) go!!!!
this is it:
and just for good measure!
that is what i think of her! actualy to tell you all the truth you pretty much thought i was going to bully the little darling. but no. i love the little bugger too much to do that to her. besides, i only write in anger whenever someone does something to me that irks the living crap out of me. so all i did was just press tab a whole bunch of times. in order to make you think that you thought i wrote something incredibly mean nasty and untrue about her. so thus, by not being mean and nasty or untrue, i would have pretty much kept my word about not writing something mean nasty or untrue…
i got a jar of dirt! i got a jar of dirt! i got a jar of dirt! (trips) ha!
you know what i like about blogging while your plastered? that one ismple fact that brian (not you dad, some jerk at the college, whome i think of as a friend…who needs to get neutered with a rusty chainsaw.) ((ha! thought i would say something you wouldve expected me to say didnt ya david! i fool you!)) hat was i going to say? hmm… i dont know… dont care…darryl! buddy ol pal! bill! uswin!!! wait i tic, i mean to say that you three i respect more then any of the other guys or gals in the group… this owuld also include robert, david vamp, mike and (grumble…) someother people.
i dont care what you try to say you little monkey, im straight, there no doubt in my mind that im straight. boy… this is covering a lot of ground isnt it? on the upside of things, im nearly cloned… that is to say ive perfected the art of photocopying my ass to the point where its indistinguishable from the reall one. why? there both flat as paper. im a flat ass.lol. i made a funny.
ok, last night ive officialy started moving all my stuff over to face book. i need a new start on things and a new page to start it on. so ive begun the process of gradualy moving over to face book. wow, you can tell im wasted when i repeat my self twice and then repeat my self twice. yep. im more bubbly then sarah michelle gellers hairdresser trying to tango with a broken kneecap and fighting darth vader with a limp noodle. wha?
with that pretty much out of the way id like to say the following things. im sorry heena for being such a prat to you. i was only writing out of anger. deal with it. instead ill start directing my anger towards thsoe that are more deserving of it. and the fun thng is, i know exactly who to direct it towards and what there secrets are. though i wont touch on sensitive spots like the fact there easily confused by what i say or the otehr fact that there completly swept up in my ability to spar. or inability. which ever way you look at it its not really that big a deal. champagne! or as captain swimmy pants the noodemeister chowmounger says it. “fuck yo couch!” i hope his 360 gets a fuckin virus. and he cant blame me cause im not a hacker, i dont own a 360, and my htmal knowlege only goes so far.
darryl ol buddy of mine! lets get onto him for a second… he he he he ha! ha! ha!!!! lol. kidding. my main man hasnt done a thing to tick me off and plus we on pretty good terms with each other… or so i am thinking. yeah we are. the story of how we met is actualy pretty interesting in itself… if not for the slight fact i cant remember it at the moment. fucking aye.
im not really into d and d anymore. sure its got a fan base thats pretty much around 29% of the worlds population. but youd think people would get tired of pretending to be something there not. i did and now im pretty much the real me. i think. or am i the real me when ever i write these drunken blogs? ill never tell! of course, being slightly innebriated is theo nly way i can write this much and still try to be a productive member of society. much like brad pitts helping his cause by making yet another oceans movie about guys that have nothing better to hen steal each otehrs money, then make elaborate and slightly entertaining plans about how to get thatm oney back.
like harrison ford in fire wall, where all he dos is tell people that he wants his family back to random people and even a golden retriever. that right han solo, shoot greedo in the crotch and watch his black eye turn white! im out of champagne!
fucking hell. what truth bares witness to the gods of fate, who only turn the tides against hose brave enough to brave the oceans current. desperate timesi ndeed call for desperate measures as brothe and brother fought against eachother in the civil war while robo cop and swamp thing date rape each other and call beer delicios and syaing that there black. but all they are are two 1980s icon that ran there fun loving hands down our throats while demonstrating that resistance was futile, and that if we cloned dinosaurs we can still raise the titanic in an effort to stop the return of the jedi and halt the march of the penguins. but what about the crimson tide? plug the abject movie about whose war head was bigger in the hunt for a green october which the guy from wrestling, also known as the rock. desperatley tries to save the most horrible movie ever about the hip hop comminity and driving air planes. soul place. and i watched that shit too.
its about as funny as seeing baby jesus get kicked in the head by ed only to wind work as the head of fox telivions and get invited to a quale hunt by dick cheney only to get in the way and get shot in the face! then magicly turn into a ten yearold boy in a parish lead by reverend jackson. micheal jackson, and when he asked you in confidence to justifyably ripp down your pants so that he could give tim and tim a little squeezy each! you declared for your self that you would get your self a 400$ dollar hair cut!
SUCK IT BITCHES!!!!!!
im sorry but that was probably the most fun ive had in a while writing that shit. brought back good memories of when i didnt have seizures from looking a woman.
failure at drunk blogging October 28, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: @, at, BLOG, bloggers, blogging, drinker, drinking, drunk, drunken, epic fail, fail, failure
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yes!!!! i beat the fucking system…..i think thats more wine then im thinking about i have had in the fututure pastm inutes of my minds not completely there at the present tense… wtf am i saying? oh well, i just got done training so my hands and fingers are a bit wierd at the moment. this keybaord is really freaking flimsy, although it is by far the best damned computer ive had yet. actualy laptop but whos ocunting right? lets see here. i usually only train in the martial arts when im worried about something so its been a while, the last time i trained was about a couple weeks ago for an hour or two in armed combat. all truth here folks, just like brians ability to main tain two relationships at the sawm time blowing up in his face, i shall tell thee the fricjen truth of all things…
first off. did you know that robert dinero is a muppet? its true, hes voiced by a drunken reject from the wizrd of oz danny devito. of course this always tops the ever present threat of the fact that uswins got more tics in him then a wooden house biult on a contant fault line. lol, this is gonna be fun. time to rip me ol mates a new one. this isnt slander cause im not spreading rumours or anything this is my blog. its your own damn fault for reading it in the first place if you dont like what i have to say. so fuck off. first off, lets start with brian. not dad, i love him to death and would never lampoon him in my blogs. hes special. regular jagoff brian, or douchebag. true that he is one cause he told me himself… hes manned by a little person named steve. who coioncidently wears a helmit and is about as coordinated as a drunken blind person making his way through traffic during the 89 earthquake. oh yes, this is oging to be more fun then watch people tease michael jackson by holding there little boys over him.
furst off, where to begin, i liked him at first, buddy buddy kinda thing, then he became a jackass. in a matter of two point three seconds…oh fuck this im just going to write random crap down and hope to hell it makes sense in the end. three lines for one sentence… aww fuck this shit, im just going to pst this…
oh my fucking god. October 21, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: BLOG, blogging, demeonte, drunk, enigmatt, log, logging, video, vlog
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hello again folks, welcome to another edition…of inside edition. where we tell you absolutley every you already know about the celebreities you love…and then promptly do it again. because we CARE… oh crap… that was an acronym for “can alex baldwin really eat?” yes he can. see you already knew that and im on a roll here. who the fuck knew right? right…. beside the lack of self stating evidence that john mccain is nothing more then an attacking bully to obamas cool headed self. and i think this really stands out on a singular point, which charly could try to do at any given time, if he werent so damned drunk.
but more then alec baldwins evil message of kill the pig and spill his blood. then promptly open a fast food resteraunt and make liverworst the liver best in the nation, i think we got our selves and already decided president. there really isnt a need for the debates, or the election process because obamas going to take this thing hands down. why? because john mccain will probably die with in the next ten minutes and there will be no really impressive oppisition. oh sure there the evil dick cheney clone of sarah palin who seems to be the darth vader to john mccains emporer palpitine. oh screw off star wars fan boys. go shoot lightning out your asses and blame stan lee for fucking up indiana jones. fucking crstal skulls.
in other news, i now have a girlfriend, thank you for stating the obvios you horny old bastard. no… i really am 24… which is really freaking wierd considering the fact the john mccains 20000000000000000….. oh fuck it, he was alive before the big bang… he mightve caused the big bang when he crapped himself. most scientists would agree. sorry for ripping on the opsition here, but some odd unknown reason, ripping on mccain and palin is like watching the jackson family reunion where micheal hangs his kid out a window and janet shows off her tit while her “mysterios illness” takes the world by storm. oooo… i wonder what it could be? not enough attention from justin timberlake, or maybe it was the fact that we have not heard a single word from the other members of the family in so long, that they might be dead already. i think there dead. could they be? i dont know, ask oj…hes probably stealing things and killing people off left and right, then writing books about how he would have done it while amy whinehouse beats the hell out of him, for not giving her crack rocks….
meanwhile, in the debates, obamas like the proverbial joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat. basicly he walks on stage, crap flies out, and people beleive him for some strange reason… oh yeah i know why… the us doesnt want another republican in the white house. were fucking sick to death of idiots in the spotlight, doing shit there asses dont know anything about. yeah you heard me. fuck you mr. bush. damn you for reading my blogs for advice. DAMN YOU!!!!!!! go join charly sheen in getting drunk, screwing up the national budget, and then fuck each other while doing crack during the 1970s. ha!!!!!!! and double ha!!!!!
meanwhile other celberities are just getting powder blue priuses just for the thrill of giving birth in the back of something other then a 42 mustang convertible with all leather interior, satilite weapons capabilities, and james bond esque sex. i mention james bond esque sex because its exciting in the beginning and then nothing really happens when the credits start rolling. and then people start leaving there seats and venture off into the real world, wondering why mi6 is searching face book, for the idiot responsible for… selling a camera with top secret information. wow… good going pennywise.
to me, not much difference between the acts of falling in love, then falling out of love, then falling in the money pit, where tom hanks will rape you until your screaming out the secret of the davinci code at the top of your lungs while he plays chopsticks on a giant piano….and getting shotin the head by the godfearing rifle bearing idiot, who blames it on a flack jacket worn by melbrooks while waiting for some other rifle bearing idiot to shoot down the producers. man this things just getting evil aint it? more!!!!!
i havent been paying attention to the local news, because the local news is written like a bunch of seventh and eith grading tooks over the printing press, raped and pilaged every last respectable writing staff in the universe, bombed pearl harbor, blamed it on the japenese, then raped and pilaged nbc offices for ideas on decent shows, created joey, then wrote something down, and forced the editor in cheif to print the damned thing. its weird how everything is in the world, first you have the large communities, who by far, might be respectable if not for the fopahs of releasing stupid articles about even stupider people, and then repeat those very same veritable actions of the stupid people, making themselves look even more stupid. its a vicios circle.
then we have the medium communitiesm who just dont really give a crap about anything other then there overly obsessiv step fathers who touch them in the middle of the night, claiming to be doctors, when they really arent. there just evil peds who like touching things. then…heres the funny part, when the whole communities finds out what they already know, its SHOCKER! meaning that a wrestler, has just jammed his two fingers down your throat and made you throw up you lunch… on review… that last sentence made less sense then the mj trials of underwear versus socks. which is better to masterbait with?
speaking of which there been a little bit of debate about prop 8, which bans gay marriages. yeah… try telling that to gay people who get married in vegas just to avoid the whole rigamorale of the legal system. look, people are goin to vote for something they like, and against something they dont like. its just that simple. so what did i vote on it? no. everyone should have…wait..almost everyone. and the only person i could think of, that doesnt deserve to get married would be brian quinoness, whos just a complete assholic. lol…i dont mean that hes gay…which he is….i mean that hes a complete asshole. who likes the drink a bit too much. which explains a number of things regaurding the mind department. “oh im better then everyone else so im going to make anything i think sucks ass feel bad about the wya they do things and blah blah blah..” who really gives a shit?
there are more important things to worry about then crouching insults and flying lawsiuts against the poor, blind, deaf, tarded, monkey handed and stupid. i say stupid because…. well…. there are just stupid people out there who deserve that title, and thats all im saying.
look… its not my fault that some people are just born with the stupid gene put in them…brian…. lol… yes david i know your reading this thinking that im gay for brian… im not…. im horny for cassi. you heard right. deal. but the american justice system is onipotent in itsm any ways which make andy dick look normal. like the fact the joe olsteen whose surpisingly…other then looking like a creepy smiling idiot… is a good enough pastor that whe gets paid to yap on and on about things people already know about. good, god fearing people who that your supposed to buy the milk with the experation date thats further from the current date by at lat least six months. people, who, when they see kids on there lawn, do the world a service to the war veterans, and yell at them to get off there lawns. because thats what god wants people to do. yell at other people in hopes thell really get off there precios blue alabama grass thats crisp in the morning and ready to feed the stupid people in the afternoon. moo bitches.
if theres anything really surprising, its still the fact i have fallen completely in love with caasi, like charly sheen has the bottle. im addicted to her, i love her voice, the way she moves, the way her hair smeels like grapes all the time, its just brilliant! i love her!!!!! and she loves me! and were happy as happy can be! just like jay leno falls in love with his over sized chin that scares little children at night. because night is when mr. rogers comes out with the most evil question of them all. “would you like to be my neighbor?” but i do love her, and would pretty much protect her from any harm, because thats what dedicated boyfriends to with there girlfriends. unlike k-fed. that ass.
mean while, what zrii hasnt cured, casi has. as well as her cool looking friend ceaser! yes im probably going to write alot about the two in the following weeks and months. because hes just so fucking awesome.
i have no fucking clue what to write next because i started writing this thing and oh fuck my nose has a annoyng drip at the end of it…. it really does bug the crap out of me, but by the time you read this it will have been deleted… not the blog, god no. i would never delete any of these babies. i love em too much. there we go , wiped it away, now im all better. just like the results of the oj stalkers versus oj in the case of the mistaken murdereererererererererererererer. lol… you sound like a motor boat. congratulations. i just annoyed the hell out of you with that senseless line.
abercromby and fucking finch!!!! you hear that!? abercromby is fucking fiches. that evil bastard! HOW DARE HE FUCK THOSE TINY LITTLE BIRDS. ITS LIKE SCREWING A TUBE SOCKS!!!!!! more important, do they throw up the finisher? fatality…death by spermicide.
its actually kind of amazing but i really have to pee.and now that ive done peeing…not in my pants, but in the toilet…like you really needed to know that…. i shall embarrass you more that by revealing the ultimate answer is 42 or 43… depending on what hemisphere you live in…. OH MY FUCKING GOD, I KNOW HOW TO WRITE THE WORD HEMISPHERE! IM A FUCKING GENIUS! but im a gneius who doesnt know how to spell the wor amphipbianatical auquatic deprevationalitical casualties. MOTHER FUCKER I AM A GIANT DICKED GENIUS!!!!! lol…. not to get a big head about such trivial meanings of life, love, the persiut of happiness in which will smith made na ass out of himself for his kid by solving a god damned rubix cube in the movie before i had a to change monkeys… because the current thosuand just wrote scripts for joey. which explains why there writing yet another highschool musical!!!!!!!!
oh god… oh my mother fucking whore bashing midget slinging god. wgy on this mother fucking earth did they have to make another one!!!!!!!???? WHYYYYYYYY? what is it with these idiot fiasco fasinated people that they have to make a fucking musical about probably the most akward time in our lives. great, that to hollywood, our next couple of generations is gong to wind up, singing there way through the midterm, accompannied by semi good looking people. THERE ARE NO UGLY PEOPLE IS THE MOVIE!!!! NO FUCKING UGLY PEOPLE IN THE GODDAMNED MOVIE!!!! what the fuck is up with that shit! you know, i was just cruising along the channels and BOOOOOOOOOOOM! there it is, the worst of the worst, the most highly anticipated year of the series, its worse then the lord of the rings! it even has a better ending then this peice of shit movie! WHO THE HELL WRITES THIS CRAP!???? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!
WHO?????
what its not enough that we suffer through a bunch of horrendous movie to game franchise, but we have to go through highschool all over again in the next 14 hours!!!!???? why!!!!??? why the fuck god why??? im sad, im more then sad, im fucking depressed at this pile pf crap we call the highschool musical 3…. god, i cant wait for the seqeul to this shit, colledge musical, where we get to follow the stupid beatiful people through yet another year of selfless self indulgense as they sing there way through, drunken one night stands with drunken chearleaders, both male and female. i know my target audience here. not to mention the creepy stalker song where it kind of sounds and looks like a rip off of pin ball wizard.
dont get me start on kim… because i will. shes the tainted love of my heart, the sadness that she brings with her to people she rejects, is more then enough cause to start world war through. lol. yes i went there, and im feeling a bit more evil then i originaly was, because early i was just going after stupid people., and celeberities, now im going to go after stupid people ive run into during my whole current number of years being alive. and if youve read this far, i congratulate you on your percerverence, may you do well in life alltogether.
back to the shrapnel that is a nuke in the fishball. bowl. its amazing, ive written myself to sobriety. I HAVE LETERALLY WRITTEN MY SELF TO SOBRIETY!!!!! TAKE THAT CHARLY SHEEN AND MARTIN SHEEN COMBINED!
you know, ive run into a lot of stupid people in my time and this really is the shit of them all. because he taught me so many good and bad things in life as well as the basic foundation for my current set of rules. bobby freaking zolezi. love the little bastard to death because in a way, ive had to deal with more of his drama then id like to. but it cant be all bad can it? not really, there were actually a lot of times where things were cool and we hung out and chitted about stupid things. that girlfriends stealing bastard. wish you were here. so i could hit you in the head. with a hug of friendship. and then kick you in the shin. with gifts of kindness. sending mixed messages is fun!
RANTA PALOOZA!!!! NO MUSIC INCLUDED! October 17, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: ball, BLOG, boob, bush, busting, caasi, cassandra, cassy, charly sheen, drunk, election, love, mccain, monkey, obama, palin, roll, vodka
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hello again folks, welcome to another edition…of inside edition. where we tell you absolutley every you already know about the celebreities you love…and then promptly do it again. because we CARE… oh crap… that was an acronym for “can alex baldwin really eat?” yes he can. see you already knew that and im on a roll here. who the fuck knew right? right…. beside the lack of self stating evidence that john mccain is nothing more then an attacking bully to obamas cool headed self. and i think this really stands out on a singular point, which charly could try to do at any given time, if he werent so damned drunk.
but more then alec baldwins evil message of kill the pig and spill his blood. then promptly open a fast food resteraunt and make liverworst the liver best in the nation, i think we got our selves and already decided president. there really isnt a need for the debates, or the election process because obamas going to take this thing hands down. why? because john mccain will probably die with in the next ten minutes and there will be no really impressive oppisition. oh sure there the evil dick cheney clone of sarah palin who seems to be the darth vader to john mccains emporer palpitine. oh screw off star wars fan boys. go shoot lightning out your asses and blame stan lee for fucking up indiana jones. fucking crstal skulls.
in other news, i now have a girlfriend, thank you for stating the obvios you horny old bastard. no… i really am 24… which is really freaking wierd considering the fact the john mccains 20000000000000000….. oh fuck it, he was alive before the big bang… he mightve caused the big bang when he crapped himself. most scientists would agree. sorry for ripping on the opsition here, but some odd unknown reason, ripping on mccain and palin is like watching the jackson family reunion where micheal hangs his kid out a window and janet shows off her tit while her “mysterios illness” takes the world by storm. oooo… i wonder what it could be? not enough attention from justin timberlake, or maybe it was the fact that we have not heard a single word from the other members of the family in so long, that they might be dead already. i think there dead. could they be? i dont know, ask oj…hes probably stealing things and killing people off left and right, then writing books about how he would have done it while amy whinehouse beats the hell out of him, for not giving her crack rocks….
meanwhile, in the debates, obamas like the proverbial joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat. basicly he walks on stage, crap flies out, and people beleive him for some strange reason… oh yeah i know why… the us doesnt want another republican in the white house. were fucking sick to death of idiots in the spotlight, doing shit there asses dont know anything about. yeah you heard me. fuck you mr. bush. damn you for reading my blogs for advice. DAMN YOU!!!!!!! go join charly sheen in getting drunk, screwing up the national budget, and then fuck each other while doing crack during the 1970s. ha!!!!!!! and double ha!!!!!
meanwhile other celberities are just getting powder blue priuses just for the thrill of giving birth in the back of something other then a 42 mustang convertible with all leather interior, satilite weapons capabilities, and james bond esque sex. i mention james bond esque sex because its exciting in the beginning and then nothing really happens when the credits start rolling. and then people start leaving there seats and venture off into the real world, wondering why mi6 is searching face book, for the idiot responsible for… selling a camera with top secret information. wow… good going pennywise.
to me, not much difference between the acts of falling in love, then falling out of love, then falling in the money pit, where tom hanks will rape you until your screaming out the secret of the davinci code at the top of your lungs while he plays chopsticks on a giant piano….and getting shotin the head by the godfearing rifle bearing idiot, who blames it on a flack jacket worn by melbrooks while waiting for some other rifle bearing idiot to shoot down the producers. man this things just getting evil aint it? more!!!!!
i havent been paying attention to the local news, because the local news is written like a bunch of seventh and eith grading tooks over the printing press, raped and pilaged every last respectable writing staff in the universe, bombed pearl harbor, blamed it on the japenese, then raped and pilaged nbc offices for ideas on decent shows, created joey, then wrote something down, and forced the editor in cheif to print the damned thing. its weird how everything is in the world, first you have the large communities, who by far, might be respectable if not for the fopahs of releasing stupid articles about even stupider people, and then repeat those very same veritable actions of the stupid people, making themselves look even more stupid. its a vicios circle.
then we have the medium communitiesm who just dont really give a crap about anything other then there overly obsessiv step fathers who touch them in the middle of the night, claiming to be doctors, when they really arent. there just evil peds who like touching things. then…heres the funny part, when the whole communities finds out what they already know, its SHOCKER! meaning that a wrestler, has just jammed his two fingers down your throat and made you throw up you lunch… on review… that last sentence made less sense then the mj trials of underwear versus socks. which is better to masterbait with?
speaking of which there been a little bit of debate about prop 8, which bans gay marriages. yeah… try telling that to gay people who get married in vegas just to avoid the whole rigamorale of the legal system. look, people are goin to vote for something they like, and against something they dont like. its just that simple. so what did i vote on it? no. everyone should have…wait..almost everyone. and the only person i could think of, that doesnt deserve to get married would be brian quinoness, whos just a complete assholic. lol…i dont mean that hes gay…which he is….i mean that hes a complete asshole. who likes the drink a bit too much. which explains a number of things regaurding the mind department. “oh im better then everyone else so im going to make anything i think sucks ass feel bad about the wya they do things and blah blah blah..” who really gives a shit?
there are more important things to worry about then crouching insults and flying lawsiuts against the poor, blind, deaf, tarded, monkey handed and stupid. i say stupid because…. well…. there are just stupid people out there who deserve that title, and thats all im saying.
look… its not my fault that some people are just born with the stupid gene put in them…brian…. lol… yes david i know your reading this thinking that im gay for brian… im not…. im horny for cassi. you heard right. deal. but the american justice system is onipotent in itsm any ways which make andy dick look normal. like the fact the joe olsteen whose surpisingly…other then looking like a creepy smiling idiot… is a good enough pastor that whe gets paid to yap on and on about things people already know about. good, god fearing people who that your supposed to buy the milk with the experation date thats further from the current date by at lat least six months. people, who, when they see kids on there lawn, do the world a service to the war veterans, and yell at them to get off there lawns. because thats what god wants people to do. yell at other people in hopes thell really get off there precios blue alabama grass thats crisp in the morning and ready to feed the stupid people in the afternoon. moo bitches.
if theres anything really surprising, its still the fact i have fallen completely in love with caasi, like charly sheen has the bottle. im addicted to her, i love her voice, the way she moves, the way her hair smeels like grapes all the time, its just brilliant! i love her!!!!! and she loves me! and were happy as happy can be! just like jay leno falls in love with his over sized chin that scares little children at night. because night is when mr. rogers comes out with the most evil question of them all. “would you like to be my neighbor?” but i do love her, and would pretty much protect her from any harm, because thats what dedicated boyfriends to with there girlfriends. unlike k-fed. that ass.
mean while, what zrii hasnt cured, casi has. as well as her cool looking friend ceaser! yes im probably going to write alot about the two in the following weeks and months. because hes just so fucking awesome.
i have no fucking clue what to write next because i started writing this thing and oh fuck my nose has a annoyng drip at the end of it…. it really does bug the crap out of me, but by the time you read this it will have been deleted… not the blog, god no. i would never delete any of these babies. i love em too much. there we go , wiped it away, now im all better. just like the results of the oj stalkers versus oj in the case of the mistaken murdereererererererererererererer. lol… you sound like a motor boat. congratulations. i just annoyed the hell out of you with that senseless line.
abercromby and fucking finch!!!! you hear that!? abercromby is fucking fiches. that evil bastard! HOW DARE HE FUCK THOSE TINY LITTLE BIRDS. ITS LIKE SCREWING A TUBE SOCKS!!!!!! more important, do they throw up the finisher? fatality…death by spermicide.
its actually kind of amazing but i really have to pee.and now that ive done peeing…not in my pants, but in the toilet…like you really needed to know that…. i shall embarrass you more that by revealing the ultimate answer is 42 or 43… depending on what hemisphere you live in…. OH MY FUCKING GOD, I KNOW HOW TO WRITE THE WORD HEMISPHERE! IM A FUCKING GENIUS! but im a gneius who doesnt know how to spell the wor amphipbianatical auquatic deprevationalitical casualties. MOTHER FUCKER I AM A GIANT DICKED GENIUS!!!!! lol…. not to get a big head about such trivial meanings of life, love, the persiut of happiness in which will smith made na ass out of himself for his kid by solving a god damned rubix cube in the movie before i had a to change monkeys… because the current thosuand just wrote scripts for joey. which explains why there writing yet another highschool musical!!!!!!!!
oh god… oh my mother fucking whore bashing midget slinging god. wgy on this mother fucking earth did they have to make another one!!!!!!!???? WHYYYYYYYY? what is it with these idiot fiasco fasinated people that they have to make a fucking musical about probably the most akward time in our lives. great, that to hollywood, our next couple of generations is gong to wind up, singing there way through the midterm, accompannied by semi good looking people. THERE ARE NO UGLY PEOPLE IS THE MOVIE!!!! NO FUCKING UGLY PEOPLE IN THE GODDAMNED MOVIE!!!! what the fuck is up with that shit! you know, i was just cruising along the channels and BOOOOOOOOOOOM! there it is, the worst of the worst, the most highly anticipated year of the series, its worse then the lord of the rings! it even has a better ending then this peice of shit movie! WHO THE HELL WRITES THIS CRAP!???? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW!
WHO?????
what its not enough that we suffer through a bunch of horrendous movie to game franchise, but we have to go through highschool all over again in the next 14 hours!!!!???? why!!!!??? why the fuck god why??? im sad, im more then sad, im fucking depressed at this pile pf crap we call the highschool musical 3…. god, i cant wait for the seqeul to this shit, colledge musical, where we get to follow the stupid beatiful people through yet another year of selfless self indulgense as they sing there way through, drunken one night stands with drunken chearleaders, both male and female. i know my target audience here. not to mention the creepy stalker song where it kind of sounds and looks like a rip off of pin ball wizard.
dont get me start on kim… because i will. shes the tainted love of my heart, the sadness that she brings with her to people she rejects, is more then enough cause to start world war through. lol. yes i went there, and im feeling a bit more evil then i originaly was, because early i was just going after stupid people., and celeberities, now im going to go after stupid people ive run into during my whole current number of years being alive. and if youve read this far, i congratulate you on your percerverence, may you do well in life alltogether.
back to the shrapnel that is a nuke in the fishball. bowl. its amazing, ive written myself to sobriety. I HAVE LETERALLY WRITTEN MY SELF TO SOBRIETY!!!!! TAKE THAT CHARLY SHEEN AND MARTIN SHEEN COMBINED!
you know, ive run into a lot of stupid people in my time and this really is the shit of them all. because he taught me so many good and bad things in life as well as the basic foundation for my current set of rules. bobby freaking zolezi. love the little bastard to death because in a way, ive had to deal with more of his drama then id like to. but it cant be all bad can it? not really, there were actually a lot of times where things were cool and we hung out and chitted about stupid things. that girlfriends stealing bastard. wish you were here. so i could hit you in the head. with a hug of friendship. and then kick you in the shin. with gifts of kindness. sending mixed messages is fun!
myspace, google virus, biden/palin, obama mccain, and whatever. October 10, 2008
Posted by enigmatt in drunk.Tags: and, biden, bush, cheney, fall, google virus, joey, line, mccain, melissa, myspace, nbc, obama, palin, politics, richards, up, whatever
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man oh man! welcome to enigmatts rants, im enigmatt and the little girl winking at the camera will tell you that she sees russia from her tea house. of course it relies mostle on the hubbles inability to see galaxys upclose with out raping the national budget. whyed we put a man on the moon for? golkf? why dont i beleive that? oh yeah, lol… its because every time bush opens his mouth, obama and mccain argue over stupid crap that would make lisa marree cry in her sleep while micheal jackson banged the cub scouts of america. jesus jiuce anyone?
so by this point youve got to be asking yourself this one extremely important question… because the world of polotics is just too fucking funy for eddie murphy to get it on with baby doll t shirts whil masterbating to doogey housers l’life on the road’. ”WHERE HAVE ALL THE COOKIES GONE?” yes thats right folks, for every ten dollars you give to me, ill not only not give it to charity, but ill spend it on porn.
myspace…this really chaps my ass, because i usually do these things on myspace and not word press. but ever since the google virus hit, and if you dont know what that s, then your more clueless then a half sober lionel richie beating the crap out of a metal pipe with his head. the google virus is a pain in myspaces butt. not only because it just turns your ass over to google, but it also messes up you hard drive like a little bitch. the fact that millions of teens everywhere are going to have fits of rage with wich the likes preschool teachers have never seen before because of this, is more then enough reason to just let them try to login. lol. mua ha ha… evil i am.
the vice presidential debates were more interesting to watch then a more brutal version of the three stogges marathon. ony because i was completely expecting palin to just fuck the whole thing up with her saying of “dont ya know?” “you betcha!” “i have respect for your argument” heres something i never really expected to happen though. in the last half of the debate, it went from two people intelligently attacking each other jugulars to..well… two slightly less intelligent people attacking each others jugulars. like we really needed another reminder of how fucked up they made indiana jones. they just raped his ass, over and over and over and over again. ALIENS DONT BELONG IN INDIANA JONES DAMNINt!!!!!!!
speaking of which, the presidential debates were a little less entertaining to watch then a bad porno being shot with crack heads shanking eah other in the pussys with rabid weasels. yeah… it was that bad. all in all the more hilerous versions were on cnn. that little line was just the most entertaining part of the whole thing. mccain spoke, line go down, obama speak, line go up! LOL! folks i hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but doesnt anybody NOT pay attention to the incredibly inept ranking of the stock market? or do we just like seeing marketeers run around screaming things like “OH MY FUCKING GOD WERE ALL GONNA DIE LIKE A BAD MOVIE REMAKE OF SOMETHING MORE HORRENDOUS THEN SEEING JOAN RIVERS ON TV!!!!!!” and that my friends is a fate wosre then death. because joan rivers will eat your childrens feet, then make them dance forever in a pit of broken glass made of discarded botox syringes.
to really see the horror of the new google virus, you have to get inside steve irwins head, then promptly run out screaming something the lines of ” FUCK THIS SHIT! IM WATCHING JOEY!” because folks, the inside of steve irwins head is nothing more then beastiality tapes, with him screwing a gecko and being the bitch in the relationship. in fact, i think i can hear him doing his chihuahua. i was asleep last night and amidst the fainting music that constantly complimented the rabid monkey balls, that constantly hammered away at the cheese bunkers mineral deposits. i was whisked away to a magical place where the only punishment in the world was getting sodomized by a blue whales dick in the ear. and most people dont live through something like that.
i found out that while perusing the dick cheney esque friend shooting videos, that humans as a whole are nothing more then god fearing idiots with rifles in our hands, waiting to be shot in the head by the god fearing idiot with a rifle in his hands, who happened to be standing right next to us telling us that his problem was firing the damned thing. like we really needed help figuring that out. there were far more sinister problems in the road to recovery, and im going to rant about that next. the road to fucking recovery. because she is hot and i would fuck her in the ass with the head of a baseball bat.
the raod to revorey in the econic crisis isnt merly something that the national debt wont decrease or reverse with. in fact, the national debt is a jewish reminder that we fucked over the britains when we declared ourselves tax exempt from there tea smacking ways, and formed our own little crackden in the world. the road to revery is merely a stepping stone to a world where black and whites and asian and arabs can get together for a nice game of “who the fuck killed the president this time?” because as we all know, bush needs to be attacked in the head with a five foot dildo and called a stupid mother fucker for getting a movie made about him and dick cheney having lunch together. can you fucking imagine that? bush and cheney eating lunch? I CANT BELEIVE THEY EAT LUNCH!!!!!!!
IF ANYTHING I COULDNT IMAGINE ANYONE with more gall or idiosy making a movie about one of the worst presidents in the united states. nay mr. bush, not only the states, the fucking world. because life itself cant be explained when youve got your head in other countrys asses. and maybe thats just what this country needs, another head to ass president who thinks he knows what the flying fuck hes doing. of course this can only be alleviated by the fact that more shows from the sixties are getting a face lift that would have mellissa richars screaming in fits of rage as well as physical shame. im sorry darling, but theres only so much plastic surgery you can do to that vagina of yours. and whatever you do, dont add fake eyes.
